What’s Up

Life is ok.

Graduation was almost two months ago. The post-grad slump that I expected to feel hasn’t hit quite yet. In many ways I am busier than when I was in school–that last semester I only had a 3-credit internship, which was more fun than anything.

I’ve been putting so much time into making my music into a business. It is slowly starting to come together. I am working with a band (which is demanding most of my time) and we’re soon ready to begin playing shows. I’m also playing solo gigs when I can, which I hope to continue.

In addition to pursuing a career in music, I’m doing some job interviews–mostly with insurance companies. I don’t really want to sell insurance, but I need a job and they seem to be some of the only companies hiring. I’m simultaneously pursuing a new job and a career in music, hoping one will pan out soon.

Thanks for listening.

Perspectives

(originally via Scott Lamb)

My Place in this World

At my age, the million dollar question is “who am I?” All of us late-teens and early-twenty-somethings are trying to discover our identities within a vast world of possibilities. We idealize a few qualities that we want to be a part of our identities, such as success, money, happiness, or even just being in the will of our God. In this pursuit, we shuffle through a list of possible futures and the subsequent paths required to get there. We try to plan accordingly by attending college or working full-time to save money. But as the naive energy of our youth begins to fade, we realize the length of the road to our dreams and become discouraged. We begin to wonder about the real path that our life will take.

I think we all understand that the question is not really “who am I?”, but instead “where is my place in this world?” or “where do I fit?” This is a question that I have wrestled with quite a bit. Tonight a very simple and beautiful answer came to me:

Here.

This is where I fit. This is my place in this world. Whether it’s comfortable or uncomfortable, whether it’s wonderful or painful, whether it’s hard or easy. I fit right here, right now.

For me, “here” means sitting at my laptop typing this blog entry. I am twenty-two, in my favorite pair of jeans and my beloved cowboy boots. I’m typing on my trusty laptop and I’m thankful that it has faithfully served me for so long. I am not twenty-four, I am not doing homework, or drinking tea, or performing on stage. I am–right here, right now–in my place in this world.

Maybe someday I will be somewhere else, but now I am here. I don’t fit into my past anymore, and I don’t currently fit where I will in the future. I often get ideas about where I want to be, or where I think I should be, and these ideas change frequently. I often become frustrated because I think my place in this world must be somewhere else. However, I can rest in the fact that someday my place in this world will be somewhere else.

This can be very humbling. Sometimes we truly don’t like the place that we are in. It can be scary as a senior waiting to graduate college, or being fresh out of school and wondering how you’ll ever use that expensive degree. Or maybe you’re working at a job that is totally the wrong job for you, but you’re locked in for the time being. We live in a world where success is had by planning and working toward our goals. But maybe a different kind of success can be had just by conquering each minute on the clock, one by one.

One last thing in closing. It has occurred to me that I only have one moment in which to live. I don’t have the moments I’ve already lived in, and I don’t have the next moment yet. I have one–one at a time. I look around my quiet kitchen where I sit alone, and right now my dreams are not a part of this moment. My education is not a part of this moment. The size of my bank account is not a part of this moment. And all that matters is this short little span of time that I’m living in right now.

Here, in my place in this world.

[ Matthew 6:25-31 ]

Running Alone

One of the biggest traps we can fall into as humans is comparing. We always form a continuum along which we place ourselves and others. We compare to decide who is a better athlete, who is a better saint, or who is a better person in general. It’s because we strive to be better as humans, to win approval of friends, family, or other people.

While bettering ourselves is a great aspiration, we can easily fall into this trap of comparing, which actually works against us. When we create a scale to rate ourselves and others, saying “I want to be where he is” or “I am definitely better than this person” we do two things. First, we can fall into pride (or lack of confidence). Second, it creates a discontentment with where we are. If I were a swimmer, and my goal was to be better than Michael Phelps, I would have a lot of work to do. Chances are that I would not get there, and subsequently be disappointed in myself. If I did get to the point where I was technically a better swimmer than Michael Phelps [terrible example, I am not a great swimmer], I would have nothing but the self-satisfaction that I was farther than he.

In 1 Corinthians 9:24, Paul encourages us to “run in such a way to claim the prize”. The passage does not tell us to “claim the prize”, nor does it say to “get ahead of everyone you know in order to claim the prize”. No, all we have to do is run our best; to push ourselves to the limit. We have to reach for our maximum, no matter what that is compared with those around us.

I enjoy running alone, because it shows me this principle. I set a goal for myself, and I push myself to the limit. I track my speed and distance, and I can see myself getting better–compared to myself. Until I ran my first 5K, I had no idea how fast or slow I would be compared to others.

I think Paul chose the perfect metaphor to illustrate this concept. I try to apply this to other areas of my life, but sometimes it can be difficult. Our world is all about competition and being the best. It’s about winning and beating others. But a better way to live is to race against ourselves, for then we will always win.

The Wildflower

In my quest to play more open mics, I have discovered a cute little beatnik shop called the Wildflower. The small crowd at the cafe seems to be very loyal, and the employees and customers blend together. It’s a shop for hippies, given away by the name, the decor, and even the lighting.

Back in Town

Hellooo internets. I said I would blog every night before bed–well, I lied. I did not realize how jam packed my days would be in TN. *Note to self: do not promise to blog every night when going out of town…

The Dice are Loaded

As I set out this morning, I was reminded of one of my biggest reasons for coming to Nashville. If you want to go anywhere in the music business, you have to develop a tough skin and take rejection. The music business is set up in such a way to filter out every last wannabe. It’s like a musicians’ boot camp. I came to be humbled, to stare rejection square in its ugly eye. I went through the same routine that everyone else does–everyone from the bum off the street to the future star. I even had one person ask me if I’ve ever played before…

Arrival

After that beast of a 12-hour drive, we arrived in Nashville around 7:05pm (central time). I completely forgot about existence of the Southern accent until Lucy, the receptionist at our hotel, reminded me. She also told me that Gibson has some great job openings…

Nashville Bound

Tomorrow morning I will pick up my guitar and strike out toward Nashville, Tennessee for a few days. I’ve never been to the city, and I’m looking forward to sight-seeing and experiencing the music scene. I’m also psyched for the eats, which I’m told are exquisite…

The Truth Will Always Shine Brightest

Last night I planned to play at Victor’s Italian Restaurant near my school. I’ve been playing more open mics lately. There is a unique thrill that comes from playing for a small crowd of people you’ve never seen before. You’ve got three songs to prove yourself.

Anyway, I never made it to Victor’s. I met my friend Phil for coffee at Border’s, and arrived to find him talking about religion with a Muslim named Emad. My boss’s name is Emad as well, and I think it’s interesting that a Muslim would have the Arabic name for “baptism”…